Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween...the darkness cometh

The clocks go back an hour and women dress like whores. I know you are asking yourself, "but it is always dark this time of year and the women; their choice of dress is no different than any other time of year. So what the heck is this blog entry really about??"

These are astute observations my fellow readers.

But first a disclaimer. If you are easily offended or don't have a sense of humour please stop reading. For example, for those of you who have watched Stephen Cobert and get mad instead of pissing yourself laughing, do yourself a favour, just click the x box at the top of your browser. And go the fuck away. That wasn't hard, was it now...

This blog is one part an excuse to work out my issues I have with Halloween parties, wherein I promise not to go off on a feminist rant about how disappointing it is for people when all they have accomplished in life is living up to their stereotypes (e.g., men objectifying women and women objectifying themselves); by the way, my promises regarding not going on a feminist rant are rarely if ever met.

One part an excuse to write in prep for the crazy month of November, where I have made the insane pledge to spew out a novel in 30 days, that is 50,000 words in 30 days. That averages about 1,166 words a day or something.

And one part a forum to list items that are way scarier than any Halloween type monster thing.

Let's focus on the latter: Andrea's list of scary things...

1. The torch run for the Olympics - spending a crap load of tax payer's money on an event that only brings joy to the young and semi-retarded middle-aged and is an event whose historical roots are planted in Nazi Germany is flippin' scary! Mostly because it is another "tradition" we blindly follow without really understanding the point. Which mostly just makes us look pathetic. It is kind of like wearing a white dress on your wedding day; sorry honey you are not a virgin, when someone sticks their cock up your ass or you swallow some guy's cum, you are not pure as the driven snow.

2. The celebration of birth - why are we celebrating giving birth in a world that is over-populated with morons. Do we really need more people that are mentally challenged who insist on procreating? Seriously, where is the accomplishment women, in lying on your back and having some guy blow his load in your cunt, resulting're pregnant! Thousands of teenagers accomplish this every year...I guess that is cause for celebration.

3. November Novel Writing Month - Committing to 50,000 words in one month is scary insane.

4. Halloween parties and their lame-o hosts. Hetero men who invite people to their humble abode in hopes that some dim-witted women attend dressed as a sexy nurse/cop/stripper/hooker/mother, etc., is scary. Mostly because this is so the hetro man/host can wish he was fucking them rather than his homely girlfriend (who really isn't homely, she has just let herself go because she is bored with her partner's lack of sexual performance). Instead the man/host will still not get laid that night but will instead get insanely drunk and end up alone in the bathroom beating off to his stale revisionist memories of when he was a freshmen in college and he got laid lots. Scary indeed. Women beware!

5. The legal ramifications of not classifying my blog as "adult". I honestly didn't intend to get graphic on this blog, but it happens more than I would care to admit. Anyways, I can't seem to figure out how to change that rating after the fact. Sorry...

Happy Halloween!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Amsterdam photos part 4

Western canal belt - bikes and scooters everywhere!

Trying hard to get a shot of the buildings reflecting in the water.

Another attempt at reflection in the water...

Sinking buildings in the Western Canal Belt district.

If you look closely, the second awning (the one without the people seated underneath) has mattresses where you can lie down, drink and smoke. Only in Amsterdam...

Inside the "greenhouse" - coffee shop that has won numerous cannabis cups. I was the only one not smoking pot and instead opted for their humongous portion of scrambled eggs. Yummy...perfect for that hard to cure hangover.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Amsterdam photos part 3

The awesome night shot of the canal. Portrait worthy for sure...

Cathedral...again. Religion isn't just for rednecks after all!

Outside the Anne Frank house - if you want to add a dose of depression to your vacation, I recommend it. No but seriously, "those who forget the past are destined to repeat it." Even though I may have cried a bit, it was worth seeing. And definitely after seeing, you will feel inspired to visit the theater to see Inglorious Bastereds! "Nothing more gratifying then watching Nazis get scalped!"

"Strip mall" that wraps around street. We ate at Sarah's Pancakes, a little shop within the strip that gave a reasonable introduction to savory pancakes for me. Mushroom and cheese pancakes--Yummy!!

The dam. Very crowded.

Coffee in the coffee shop.

Buildings over looking the damrak -- look how close the windows are to the water. Makes me remember Casino Royal - the Daniel Craig movie...not the awesome Ian Flemming book!

Photos from Amsterdam part two

Amsterdam coffee! Which really means smoking...

Possibly the Palace, yes they have royalty where we have Harper. I think the Palace is prettier than Harper any day!

Canal in sunlight. Off to the right is this really cool cafe/place where you can buy beer, on non-wet days there is a terrace that over looks the canal where you can sit, drink & smoke!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Pictures of Amsterdam

View from our private rooftop terrace.

Canal view.

Cathedral (one of the many) just outside the Anne Frank House.

What a shopping centre looks like in Amsterdam.

Major intersection in Amsterdam Centre--look at all those bikes!

Monday, October 5, 2009

Amsterdam, why I love you so...

There is something very interesting about arriving in a foreign place and feeling like you have come home. Not the home where you physically live, but the home that you have idealistically constructed in your mind’s eye. It is like awakening in a dream. Vivid.

First off, it is super cool that one of the main forms of transportation here is cycling. Everyone, but tourists of course, cycle here. It is amazing. Streets with no cars but just bikes. Bikes line the streets; shimmering chromium bike fenders reflecting streetlight shine until the twilight of dawn. Beautiful.

Second - beer, gouda, and smoking. Three of my favourite things to digest and here they are reasonably priced. It is almost like the government is allowing me free will to decide what to ingest.

Third - harm reduction. Okay seriously Canada, get over the bandwagon jumping that was the American propagandist favourite: war on drugs. Best way for Canada to get over this recession, make marihuana legal, model the taxation system after the Netherlands. The influx in American tourism alone, will swing us out of this possible depression we are headed towards. [Note of disclaimer: if you didn’t understand the tangent that was point a book, get educated, and then you shall be able to understand the intelligent musings of my genius.]

Fourth - it is comfortable I’m sitting here in the flat I rented, typing away on my MAC. And the weirdest feeling I am perceiving right now is, “How could I not have been born here?” The energy in this city is one of overwhelming familiarness.

Tonight we visited the Jordaan neighbourhood, where we wandered friendly brick-laden streets, hung out in bars with reasonably priced drinks, and met locals that were friendly without being overbearing. After the drinking, we mosey across the street to a coffee shop called “The Spirt”, named after the comic book hero. Coffee shops are a place in the Netherlands, where you can order caffeinated beverages made properly (strong!) and where one can purchase and engage in smoking. This particular shop also identified itself as a games room--video games, pool, air hockey, and poker. After our few games of pool we hang out with the server watching bike racing. And sharing a bonding moment over the ridiculousness of the Pope blessing the Italian biking team. We laugh over the fact that if you broke your neck bike racing you would get an automatic fast track to heaven pass because the Pope blessed your team. Then we leave and head back home, but not before stopping off at the karaoke bar, where I and the humongous titted bartender engage in a duet performance of the classics (Frank Sinatra & Tom Jones). And back home we arrive, and before headed to bed, place the garbage on the street, in piles that adorn the corners of every street. Piles of garbage for Monday,removed early Tuesday morning.