Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween...the darkness cometh

The clocks go back an hour and women dress like whores. I know you are asking yourself, "but it is always dark this time of year and the women; their choice of dress is no different than any other time of year. So what the heck is this blog entry really about??"

These are astute observations my fellow readers.

But first a disclaimer. If you are easily offended or don't have a sense of humour please stop reading. For example, for those of you who have watched Stephen Cobert and get mad instead of pissing yourself laughing, do yourself a favour, just click the x box at the top of your browser. And go the fuck away. That wasn't hard, was it now...

This blog is one part an excuse to work out my issues I have with Halloween parties, wherein I promise not to go off on a feminist rant about how disappointing it is for people when all they have accomplished in life is living up to their stereotypes (e.g., men objectifying women and women objectifying themselves); by the way, my promises regarding not going on a feminist rant are rarely if ever met.

One part an excuse to write in prep for the crazy month of November, where I have made the insane pledge to spew out a novel in 30 days, that is 50,000 words in 30 days. That averages about 1,166 words a day or something.

And one part a forum to list items that are way scarier than any Halloween type monster thing.

Let's focus on the latter: Andrea's list of scary things...

1. The torch run for the Olympics - spending a crap load of tax payer's money on an event that only brings joy to the young and semi-retarded middle-aged and is an event whose historical roots are planted in Nazi Germany is flippin' scary! Mostly because it is another "tradition" we blindly follow without really understanding the point. Which mostly just makes us look pathetic. It is kind of like wearing a white dress on your wedding day; sorry honey you are not a virgin, when someone sticks their cock up your ass or you swallow some guy's cum, you are not pure as the driven snow.

2. The celebration of birth - why are we celebrating giving birth in a world that is over-populated with morons. Do we really need more people that are mentally challenged who insist on procreating? Seriously, where is the accomplishment women, in lying on your back and having some guy blow his load in your cunt, resulting in...surprise...you're pregnant! Thousands of teenagers accomplish this every year...I guess that is cause for celebration.

3. November Novel Writing Month - Committing to 50,000 words in one month is scary insane.

4. Halloween parties and their lame-o hosts. Hetero men who invite people to their humble abode in hopes that some dim-witted women attend dressed as a sexy nurse/cop/stripper/hooker/mother, etc., is scary. Mostly because this is so the hetro man/host can wish he was fucking them rather than his homely girlfriend (who really isn't homely, she has just let herself go because she is bored with her partner's lack of sexual performance). Instead the man/host will still not get laid that night but will instead get insanely drunk and end up alone in the bathroom beating off to his stale revisionist memories of when he was a freshmen in college and he got laid lots. Scary indeed. Women beware!

5. The legal ramifications of not classifying my blog as "adult". I honestly didn't intend to get graphic on this blog, but it happens more than I would care to admit. Anyways, I can't seem to figure out how to change that rating after the fact. Sorry...

Happy Halloween!

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