Thursday, December 24, 2009
Typically Christmas is a very depressing time of year for me. Or at least it has been in the past. Well it isn't the past anymore it is the present. Am I still depressed? Not so much since I bought myself a light therapy lamp. Yes, it comes complete with a sunrise function that allows me to awake naturally with the light instead of my alarm that sounds like a missile is being launched in my bedroom. Surprising the lamp works and I have much more energy.
Regardless, of this awesome purchase, which totally has helped me beat the winter blues, I still feel kind of melancholy.
Today I was thinking about all the destruction in the world, all the dead Canadian soldiers who have died in the Afghanistan war. I can't stop thinking about their dead bodies. Yeah, I know depressing. But my heart just goes out to their families and the massive, almost paralyzing amount of grief they must be feeling right now during this holiday season.
The interesting and baffling part of the holidays is how nice people are. I have had some of the nicest conversations with people in the last few days, people I suspect who would never have spoken to me otherwise. It just makes me wonder why people cannot be this way all year round. It would likely remove the need for us to buy gifts at Christmas to alleviate our guilt for being cock suckers the entire year before. It is just plain weird. And inefficient if you ask me.
What else can I say about Christmas, it isn't a holiday I celebrate, as I am not Christian and do not partake in mass consumption, so I have to say I feel a bit alienated. But this is something I feel constantly, holidays aside, so it is my natural state of affairs, nothing to worry about. What it does, is allow me to view the outside world with some sort of detachment. This kind of sounds like someone who is on the verge of suicide, but instead, I think it makes me more committed to my idea of becoming a professional photographer. As the true photographer is completely detached and alienated from society, that is how they take such marvelous pictures. They capture society for what it really is. It is messed up and weird, and doesn't always make sense. And the true photographer doesn't filter or moralize.
And on a tangental note, the dialogue in my head goes a little something like this...
What is a society or a world that permits the killing of people; the type of killing that only war can bring.
I don't know. But it certainly does not make me want to celebrate Christmas.
Good will towards men.
I don't know if I see that. I don't know if that exists. But if it does, I would love the chance to catch it with my camera. Then I could remind myself, anytime I want, that the world is a good place and worth saving.
All my love to you and your families this holiday season,
A K Gregg