Sunday, March 9, 2014

Week 10 of 52: And now for something completely different…

 So last week I asked you all to vote on what I should write about in this week’s post. Apparently that didn’t turn out so well, seeing as only 5 people voted. Well actually only 3 people voted for actual voting options.

To recap: the voting options were…

     #1  More about Qatar!!!   
     #2  Why I keep trying to meditate even though I really suck at it 
     #3  And that’s why I’m single – more hilarious stories about my non-dating dating life
     #4  Recent literary obsessions - just finished reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road, found the ending      hopeful...
     #5  What movies to watch on a plane to give yourself nightmares for the next few days

The two most authentic votes were for #2 and #4. I managed to coerce a third vote out of someone for #3. The other 2 submitted their own voting options. One is too controversial to mention in this blog, the other was about why Doug C is my favourite co-run leader (kind of writes it self, so not much of a challenge there).

Anyways, clearly that was an epic failure. And another example of why democracies don’t work and why we really should just institute a benign dictatorship. Basically this lack of voter turnout suggests to me is that there is no reason to vote when things are running so smoothly.  So people don’t want to tell me what to write because they just love the randomness of it all. Fair enough. Or people are just too embarrassed to vote for #3 because that would suggest they are super shallow or something. Then again maybe this is why voting is done anonymously. Nah, I’m going to go with benign dictatorship.

I wrote this next post with your best interests at heart (you non-voting bastards!!).

Why you should not date a girl who runs.

Note: So when I say “a girl who runs” I mean “a girl who is a runner”. A girl who is a runner is a girl that embodies the runner lifestyle. Healthy eating, sleeping and exercise. That does not mean a girl who runs in order to offset her disgusting lifestyle of overeating and drinking. I mean a girl who runs because she is compelled to do it, she is drawn to it, she can’t live without it; basically, she is in love with it. Everything that girl does is to support her running.

I guess now that we got that out of the way it would have been simpler to title this post:  Why you should not date me.  Oh well, nothing is perfect.

Ok, so here is why. A girl who runs has goals. And guess what they don’t include getting married and raising offspring. Wait. Hold on.  Unless of course the goal is to get married at the finish line of a marathon, like the Barcelona marathon or some marathon in Hawaii. I could compromise with anywhere foreign and with a beach. Oh!! And as long as I get to run the marathon in a cute running wedding dress!! And actually, when I think about it some more, kids would be alright if we all were into running! OMG! Our family vacations could be the Disney half marathons!! So cool.
So cool!! But can we get married on a beach please!!
Ok I guess what I was trying to say about goals was, those goals aren’t necessarily your goals unless you can make them about running!

And actually, anything is kind of possible if I can somehow tie running into it. Which is actually kind of scary because I just found myself getting excited about family vacations at Disney land just because it involved running. Why this is scary? Because the thought of having my own family has never excited me, especially when it involves one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse (i.e. Disney).

So maybe don’t date a girl who runs because if someone brings up running she kind of tangents off. For example, we could be out on one of my famous “non-date” coffee dates and you are sharing with me some super important story from your childhood and a runner runs by. Oh! I forgot to mention that the coffee shop we are sitting at has a patio for us to sit at and it is sunny and beautiful out. And I’m not drinking coffee; I’m drinking tea (because I gave up coffee).

The point is, when you are in the middle of telling me this story that basically shaped who you are today and that runner runs by, I’m not listening anymore, I’m watching the runner. And I’m a bit jealous that I’m not running right now and instead I’m stuck here listening to your boring story about your alcoholic dad and probably having to drink lame ass tea to boot! It doesn’t matter that we met up for coffee after I just finished my 2.5 hour run because a girl who enjoys running that long actually enjoys running more than that. And guess what? She would rather be running another 2.5 hours than being stuck here listening to your stories that aren’t even about running?! I know your dad was an alcoholic but wasn’t everyone’s dad an alcoholic to some degree?! I watch Mad Men everyone drank back then it is kind of what people did. Now if your dad was an alcoholic who ran, now that’s interesting!?
Just another day at the office for good ol' dad!
Now I start wondering why you don’t run?

Oh right, you don’t like running because it reminds you of your dad, who was an alcoholic.

Why are we talking then if you don’t like running?

Oh right, because you said you were interested in running on your dating profile and that is how we were considered a good match! Stupid OK Cupid algorithms!!

And this is why online dating sucks.

Well thanks for the expired tea and nonsensical stories about how your alcoholic dad prevented you from doing something awesome like running. I’m going to go for a run now.


So yeah, that is why you don’t want to date a girl who runs.  She will likely pick running over you.


  1. Maybe they were interested in running only to better understand their alcoholic father?

  2. Fuck I don't know. I was too bored by that point to figure it out, so I went for a run. lol