Sunday, May 25, 2014

week 21 of 52: blog posts always start in your mind...what the frack was that all about?

Why did I name this post “Blog posts always start in your mind...What the frack was that all about?” Well, because I’m pretty sure this blog post started in my mind first and the other part is the phrase I'm pretty sure you will be muttering when you finish reading this post. Think of it like foreshadowing or something.

Now on to the blog post…

Have to say, I have not had the best week over here peeps. My foot is bothering me still (been over a month now), I don’t really know what is wrong with it and I find it very frustrating because I have not been running as much as I would like to be (a ridiculous 15k this week- almost like I didn’t even go running! Frack!). I’ve had to miss another opportunity to race a half marathon because of it (that’s two now) and will likely not be racing anytime soon.

This is what it looks like when runners cry :(
Why this sucks right now? Well other than this foot nonsense, I’m feeling the best I ever have in the last year and half of my short running career. Last year was the struggling with the iron deficiency, which by the time I got my iron levels back to normal it was just in time for me to experience a severe depressive episode, which caused my energy levels to plummet further (read: hard to train when it is a struggle to even get out of bed). Now my energy is back, my motivation is strong and I feel that I am finally in a place where I can start training seriously again. And then, the foot starts acting up.  Frack!

Any time I feel an acting up (i.e., “pain”) in the body after running, I need to debate with myself, if what I’m actually feeling is, bad pain or good pain (this debate can last for days and usually involves a ridiculous amount of text messages to my Coach-please don’t fire me Coach!).  

And yes, to answer your question, there is a difference between good and bad pain. With training there is always a certain level of pain and that is good pain because you are pushing yourself and becoming a stronger runner because of it. Then there is the bad pain, where you are injured and you run through it.  This bad type of pain is what leads to permanent injury. And you know what those permanently injured people look like? They are the ones that tell you how much they love running, but they can’t do it anymore because they blew out their knees. And like those compulsive people I have a very hard time distinguishing between the two types of pain. When to run and when not to run, it is the question. And I still have yet to find a definitive set of criteria to help me answer that question with any accuracy or with any level of consistency.

Why do I have such a hard time with this? Well, it is because I have a high pain threshold. What you consider painful, I likely find enjoyable. I kind of like inflicting a certain amount of pain on myself. It is why I like training and it explains my dating history. And yeah, it is kind of fucked up. I acknowledge that. And this love of pain has got me to think about a few things, like why I might enjoy doing this to myself, for example.

Now before you get all judgy, take a hard look at your life for a moment, is it really pain free? Or maybe you too like the pain as well. You are just too afraid to admit it, after all what would people think??!! Well first off, people would probably think you were a runner. Just saying. Kind of obvious, actually.

Ok seriously, I enjoy the pain because it gets me a little high. Yes, it is the endorphins, they produce a similar chemical response that morphine does on the brain (and morphine isn’t addictive?! Oh wait, yeah it is). You know what else endorphins are released during? Stress, sex and eating hot sauce and chocolate. Sounds kind of lovely doesn’t it? And it explains the existence of the addictive phenomena, which I have termed, the Andrea Triad.

OMG! What’s that? Sounds pretty cool doesn’t it? I know, right?  I think it’s because the name “Andrea” is in it.

Anyways, the Andrea Triad involves long distance running (at least 1.5 to 2 hour run), breakfast (hot sauce instead of ketchup) and sex (of the mind blowing variety). All events must seamlessly follow one another. Preferably in the following order: running, sex and then breakfast. Actually, it is good to add a chocolate snack between running and sex for recovery purposes (always important to eat 4:1 carb:protein food stuff within 20 minutes of ending your run).  Actually depending on how long that sex session is going for you may want to have several snacks lined up.

What is the result of the Andrea Triad? Euphoria. Like the runner's high times a million! Similar to how one would imagine heaven to be like, if it were to exist. Floating on a cloud of fluffy cotton-candy goodness, where everything is peaceful, there are no worries or concerns (likely induced by carb deprivation, which makes it impossible to think of anything too complex). Heaven! Everything is beautiful and lovely. Experiencing the Andrea Triad is to truly feel that life is good, and this high lasts for hours. I would imagine this is how shooting up heroin would feel to a junkie. Or getting drunk after a night of binge drinking…ah, good times.

Apparently endorphins are not addictive and I would retort to the person who claims that, either a) you have not experienced an endorphin high, or b) we don’t have the same definition of addiction. Addictions are typically defined as events or objects we form a dependent relationship on, that when we stop doing them it produces severe physical and mental reactions (i.e. withdrawal symptoms). If you have talked to runners on their rest days or who are tapering, wow, can we say bitchy much?

So just to be clear I am not recommending you get fucked up on heroin. Just in case you were confused. I could see how you may be confused because of the placement of the words “shooting up heroin” and “Life is good”. After all, they are both in the same blog post!

What I am recommending, is you take up long distance running if you want to get a high that doesn’t make you feel guilty after. Or you can cheat and run injured, produces the same high on a way shorter run. Or you can just binge eat or have sex (of the mind blowing variety). Of course, everything I just mentioned there, is likely to make you feel guilty except the long distance running part. Oh, unless of course you have a family and you never end up seeing them because you are always out running instead of spending time with them.

However there are ways to eliminate this guilt. It is true! This is what you do. Get a partner that is a long distance runner (not so you can run with them necessarily but because they will understand your need to run and respect that). This will lead to more eating because of all the training you will be doing, as you will need to eat all the time just to get enough calories in you so you can run more. And the sex, increased likelihood of it being mind blowing because you are having sex with a runner AND if you are one of those people who feels guilty because they enjoy sex, I’m sure it is fine to enjoy sex with your partner, right? If not, you need to get a new life philosophy because your current one kind of sucks ass.

So there you have it. I have solved your problem of how to remove the guilt from getting high. Who knew this fracking blog post would end up there, eh?! Now put down the needle/fork/penis and start training for a marathon!

Yup, I think the title for this post is pretty fitting actually.

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