In typical Andrea fashion, after I posted last week’s blog post, Through the Looking Glass, I was left with a completely different impression than everyone else who read it...Sigh...so much for group think.
Not surprising, I felt pretty good about last week's post from a writing/therapeutic perspective but other people who read it felt...what is the word I'm searching for...concerned. So I'm here to say, it's all good my lovely loyal blog readers! I'm good, I love you, thanks for your concern but I truly am good.
Maybe you are thinking, why is Andrea so good when what she is writing about such depressing stuff? Sure the last 3 blog posts were leaned more towards the morbid side of things but like all things in life, nothing lasts forever.
|I don't think that's an appropriate use of one's teeth!|
Sure when you are in the shit storm it feels like this morbid outlook will last forever but it never does. Why am I so sure about that? Because I have been through many shit storms and have survived every single one of them. It's how we grow people. I'm sorry but it is painful and it has to happen. Think about when a baby's first teeth come in, that fucking hurts, I know this to be true because there is a lot of crying going on and looks of anguish on that baby's face. I can only interpret that as pain. And no that pain does not last forever and over time that baby grows up and gets all these awesome adult teeth and now it can eat all sorts of food with them.
So let's not kid ourselves here people. Life is pain. You are not living life if you do not experience pain. But do not confuse pain with suffering. Suffering is optional. So let's make a choice, shall we?
So last week, there was some suffering going on, brought upon by my critical gaze of myself. But I know this about me, I've known this about me for awhile. So yeah, me fixating on my form while running just made my critical self manifest itself, in this particular instance. I have previously posted about this tendency of mine, you know the one where I relentlessly beat myself up when I find myself in an evaluative situation. So if you are keeping up with the posts here, this should not come as too much of a surprise that I would react this way after seeing my Coach.
It occurs to me, while writing this, that perhaps the concerning part is reading what I say to myself. Yeah, it is not pleasant. Maybe try to think of last week's blog post as defining, in very graphic detail, what I mean when I say "I beat myself up."
This is good though. Yes, because up until 8 months ago, a lot of this negative self talk was happening under the radar. Now with regular meditation I can slow my thoughts down and catch many of these bitchy ass statements I say to myself. And let me tell you, it makes me concerned too that there has been this negative chatter floating continuously throughout my mind without me even being aware of it.
So subversive how it just lives in us, undetected the majority of the time, and to only reveal itself to us in certain situations...at this point I hope you take a moment to reflect on the nasty shit you say to yourself. Because we all do it. And if you think you don't, try staying sober for 48 hours and let me know how that works out for you.
|Yeah, that looks painful.|
So yeah, this self-exploration may not sound like fun. And maybe fun would not be the word I would use to describe this self-work. It is valuable though. And not everything that is valuable is fun, most of the time it is fucking painful. So try to look at it this way, this process may be painful but in the end it is valuable because it allows you to experience fun and to experience life without having to be drunk or high or whatever coping mechanism you are using. Running? Watching TV? To just experience fun by just being.
So a fun/valuable mindfulness technique for you is to be aware of your teeth the next time you eat. Aren't those teeth awesome how they let you bit into that big juicy beef burger so effortlessly? Yeah, they are pretty cool. Now think of the process of how you got those teeth. Pain. That's how.
|Life is pain free, until humans get hungry!|
Remember pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. Oh and something else to remember, the pain you will experience will be far less painful than the cow who got a nail gun to the head in order for you to enjoy that beef burger.
Just putting it in perspective. Now let's go get ourselves a big juicy beef burger, shall we?