Sunday, September 21, 2014

Week 38 of 52: Andrea in real life

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The reason I always answer good to the question, how was your week? is not because my week was good but because I can never remember what I did yesterday let alone for the whole preceding 6 days to yesterday! So good, seems like a reasonable answer to give and likely not to provoke further questioning of my said week, which I cannot remember. 

It is often after this exchange of social niceties with people, that I pause and consider the high probability of me being diagnosed with some form of dementia if I was over the age of 60. This thought usually causes me to panic and think "OMG! What did I do this past week?! Why can't I remember and why can't i even remember what I did yesterday??!!" This will lead to additional panic and then some more panic and then I will pull out my iPhone.

Why pull out the iPhone? Because my iPhone has an uncanny way of making everything ok. In these types of instances my iPhone Twitter app is what comforts me as I know it will prolong my inevitable dementia diagnosis.

Thank god for Twitter! Yes, Twitter provides me with a lovely reminder as to what I actually did the week before. Why? Because I generally try to tweet once a day about something...anything...

You may argue that I would only tweet some things I got into and certainly not everything. And most likely my tweets would leave out the gory gooey good stuff that happened during my week. 

I would retort, what do you think my life consists of anyways??!! hot tubs, cocaine and orgies??!! This is Andrea 2.0, I won't step foot in a hot tub because of the germs, I won't do any drugs that will interfere with my spiritual journey of self growth and my running! And yes, right now my definition of drugs would include mind blowing orgasms...so no orgies! And after I rant at you a bit about that, all offended and shit that you would even think such things of me, I will add (probably in a very snarky way) that clearly you don't follow me on twitter. Because if you did, you would know, I will tweet about anything.

Picture of bloody foot.
For example, my bloody foot got two mentions and a picture today after I finished my run. True story (see picture of bloody foot). Yes, I tweeted that picture and yes it got three favourites from some of my awesome ultra marathoner followers. [Note: I also emailed my coach about my bloody foot sans picture and surprisingly he has not responded...it is possible that he has something else to do today other than read about my bloody foot]. 

Anyways, what is not surprising, is that the three favourites of my bloody foot all came from ultra marathoners. After all, they would be the ones most likely to appreciate a bloody foot, a likely occurrence for them after running 100 miles...maybe not so likely for them after doing the measly 15k I did but a bloody foot none the less.

Yes, one would think that bloody feet happen after runs a little longer than 15k and that is probably very true. However, those people who run longer than me and have bloody feet are not me and I apparently missed a spot the last time I cut my toenails. I cut my toenails a couple of days ago, after my toenail cut up my other foot and blood got everywhere. It seems, that the only way I remember to cut my toenails is after they cut up my feet and soak my socks in blood. I probably should try another reminder system, one that is less bloody. As this frequent blood loss from overgrown toenails may be partially contributing to my iron deficiency.

Feet: post-blood.
So yeah, that's what happened today from about 8am to 10:30am (actually tweeted the picture of the bloody foot at 10:18am if we want to get specific about it). 

Some other stuff happened this week to me, stuff that did not involve bloody feet (true story!). 

According to twitter, this past Monday I retweeted @TheCesspit's review of some restaurant in Victoria that served meat. That tweet got a lot of traction from the twitterverse, not as much as a bloody foot does, but that isn't really surprising is it?! So other than the fact that this tweet proves nothing beats a bloody foot, even a restaurant that serves stupid amounts of meat, it proves that I am an awesome friend. Yes, I'm talking about me being an awesome friend!! Let's face it, I must be awesome because I still retweet @TheCesspit's reviews even when they are about restaurants that serve slaughtered animals and I'm not even eating meat right now! Sure @TheCesspit writes reviews containing many astute observations of Victoria's culinary scene but more importantly he quotes me in his reviews. And that is always worthy of a retweet.

On Tuesday, Twitter reports that I used the Pythagorean Theorem in my pattern making class. Yes, it is true, i totally geeked out in my design class. I brought some much needed humour to a class that generally riddles me with anxiety (I got heartburn from the first class!) because it involves drafting patterns and pattern making requires accuracy and I'm so OCD when it comes to being accurate, I tend to over think it. Like for example, using geometry to test the accuracy of my measurements. I will say that was a first for the instructor. And I will have you know that I was only .5 off using the Theorem versus measuring the line with a ruler (i.e., the normal way designers do it). 

Twitter also reported that I was upset my coach wasn't paying enough attention to me. Yes, Princess Andrea was out in full force after her failed experiment with math in design class. I'm not sure how many emails I sent my coach last week (I was really anxious) but it was many I'm sure. And no he didn't respond to them in a timely fashion (read: immediately) and yes that frustrated me. And yes I am aware that I am being unreasonable but that has never stopped me before...

On Wednesday, I put out a call to the twitterverse for shit to be slung at @TheCesspit because he totally bailed on our morning run! Digestive issues!? Seriously dude?! If I didn't run every time my digestive system acted up, I wouldn't be a runner. My stomach is always upset about something, likely due to me being riddled with anxiety all the time, and I just can't let it win and neither should you!!

On Thursday, Twitter says that I spend too much time on Twitter. I also offer a rationale as to why I prefer my own company over spending time with others. Apparently it is because when I hang out with people I am giving them a portion of my life and let's face it most people don't deserve it. However, I seem to have no issue with spending time on twitter and sharing my life with it...I'm sure some technophobe is fucking losing their shit right about now after reading that. Haha. 

On Friday, I retweet some guy blasting coke for trying to bring out a healthy coca cola product. Yeah, true story. I can't really confirm that Coke did in fact try to be healthy (although there was a picture of the new Coke in the tweet) as I don't own a television so i have yet to be inundated with commercials full of polar bears being active and eating vegan meals; however, I am sure those polar bears make wonderful brand ambassadors for coke! 

On Saturday I retweet a beautiful photo of fall (see photo below) and a quote about how life is too short for me to be at war with myself. Yeah, I think me and my team of health care professionals are well aware of that issue. You know, the issue where my perfectionism becomes negative and I end up beating myself up for whatever bullshit expectation I placed on myself at that moment. And let’s just say that this week was full of bullshit expectations that could not possibly have been met, the type of expectations that truly belong in a bleak Dickens’s novel and not in my life.  

That brings us to Sunday, today. According to Twitter I apparently had a bloody foot…did I mention the bloody foot yet?!


This was NOT the awesome photo of fall I retweeted but it is a photo of fall.


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