Sunday, September 28, 2014

Week 39 of 52: And that's why I'm single... part 3

So let me first say that there is no official part 1 or 2 of this blog topic. Why? Well because I think you can really consider each and every blog post as an example of why I'm single. And no i don't mean that in a negative way, I'm actually saying that in a factual and objective kind of way.

I'm quite enjoying where I am at right now in my life, which just happens to be a "relationship-free" moment of my life. Despite the occasional and less frequently occurring desire to be intimate with someone (read: fuck someone's brains out) I'm pretty much good with not having a relationship. Why? Well, right now the costs of being in a relationship outweigh the benefits of having regular mind-blowing sex with someone (and those other things that boyfriends provide that my best friends don't already provide...I'm not sure what those things are so just use your imagination and fill in the fucking blanks already!).

Yeah, relationships are just too much work for me right now. So I'm just going to pass. After all, let's not forget I am a perfectionist and for me to be in a relationship I have to be at my best and I will accept nothing less. It is a painful truth for many people that I am voluntarily off the market, except for my team of health care professionals, they all tend to be in agreement that it is best I not be in a relationship right now. And do we really want to argue with science? I mean if we do, it is kind of a slippery slope and the next thing I know you are telling me evolution is a hoax and I'm actually listening to you instead of walking away from you. And there is just something wrong if I start giving my valuable time to crazy people.

And speaking of crazy people. I do have a knack for dating crazy unstable people. Maybe I see myself in them, I don't know but it is probably best for me to try a relationship with someone who is less crazy than me (and he definitely has to believe in evolution, I'm sorry that is a deal breaker).

I have to say being single actually requires work, not as much work as being in a relationship but at times I even started to wonder... Yes there were a few male friends of mine (not best friend tier) who felt the need to pursue me with gusto. And some of them actually made me have to spell it out for them. Life is a lot easier if I just don't answer your text and then you never bother me again. But for some reason these particular humans found me ignoring text messages as a sign that I wanted to communicate more with them.

It was very confusing.

I'm not one for beating around the bush, when I don't want to date you, I can be pretty up front about it. For example, "No I don't want to date you because you smoke and I would never date a smoker. It's kind of a non-negotiable item actually. And yes, I used to smoke and I respect your right to smoke but that doesn't mean I would ever date you. In fact, I find you kind of unattractive because of the whole you smoking thing. And I kind of like to date people I'm attracted to."

Sounds like I'm being pretty clear, doesn't it?!

Yes, well some people just don't take no for an answer. And guess what another deal breaker is, you not listening to me! Yup, it's true. I now aim to date men that respect my opinion as opposed to my previous type of "I hear your opinion Andrea and you will now change it so it is exactly like mine and if you don't that means you don't really love me or value being in this relationship." Harsh, right?! Yeah, trying to stay clear of those ones. ugh

So while I'm not dating smokers or controlling co-dependent assholes, that leaves a whole bunch of other men, that to be honest I don't know who they are exactly because I'm not talking to them right now. But let me tell you, there are very attractive single men EVERYWHERE and they just happen to float across my radar every now and then and I have to overt my eyes for fear that eye contact will be established and then they will start talking to me and then I will start talking to them and we will have a nice banter and then blah blah mind blowing sex is happening. I just can't risk it. And no I'm not over-reacting!

And here is why. Because when I was talking to attractive men, who were single, I was too busy trying not to flirt and act too interested in them that I just came off super anal (yes, more anal than I normally am!) which I will admit is kind of entertaining. Especially when I get the hand sanitizer out. But really it just got me thinking why the fuck are we wasting each others time here anyways? If I have no intention of dating  anyone right now, why hang out with those attractive single men?! I don't know about you, but I have enough friends and the friends I do have are not ones that I fantasize about them throwing me up against a wall and ravishing my body. Why hang out with someone where all you can do is think of what sexual positions you would like to try with them, especially when you have no intention of trying any of those sexual positions with them in the foreseeable future. Seems like a very inefficient use of my time and theirs.

And don't say to me that maybe I should just have sex already because there is nothing wrong with that. And I would agree there is nothing wrong with sex, sex is awesome, I love it; however, sex is wrong for me, right now in my life at this particular moment. That is my decision and it is backed by my health care team of professionals, people who actually care about my well being and not how well I'm going to get them off if I have sex with them. Yes, you telling me to just have sex is so transparent as to where your intentions really lie. Because let's face it, if we have sex, it will possibly be the best sex you ever have in your life and for me it will likely be just some other experience with some guy who cared mostly about blowing his load than anything to do with my pleasure. I get that not all guys are that way just the majority of the ones I happen to have sex with. Which I'm sure is an anomaly, right??!! After all, men have a long established history of caring about women and their needs!! Wait a minute!! No they don't. They actually have a long established history of objectifying women and not considering them human beings...

Yes I'm being sassy over here so chill the fuck out and laugh already. (BTW - the next guy I date will find me super hilarious AND not because he is weird but because I AM super hilarious).

So in sum, there are a lot of very attractive, single men out there. Some of them will be selfless in bed, some may even be intelligent and 98% of them will find me super hilarious. And that is awesome but that doesn't mean I want to date any of them right now. Also, I'm pretty sure those men will be around next spring when I'm more likely to take up the adventure of dating again. Until then I just don't care to put the energy into that right now. And that's why I'm single...


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