Sunday, February 22, 2015

The Art of Patience

--> I have seen many storms in my life. Most storms have caught me by surprise, so I had to learn very quickly to look further and understand that I am not capable of controlling the weather. To exercise the art of patience is to respect the fury of nature. ~ Paulo Coelho

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. 

Some people would say that patience is a character trait I don’t possess. Perhaps these people have seen me smashing too many eggs?! Sure, I’ve been known to want what I want when I want it. I like to think I’m a goal oriented person who can become so hyper focused on achieving said goals that perhaps my behaviour may be interpreted as impatient. I will also point out that the people who consider me lacking in the trait of patience are non-goal oriented people. And can we really count them as people?! JK!! OMG!! Calm down, it’s just a joke at the expense of hipsters, so sorry that offended you.

Can we really consider this a person?
Anyways, to say I don’t posses the trait of patience, is a tad unfair. I mean how can character traits just be dichotomous constructs, it seems to me it makes more sense if they were conceptualized as falling along a continuum. Like we are all some degree of patient and inpatient.

And perhaps these hipsters (also referred to sometimes as people) would then retort, “Well Andrea, I think you fall pretty low on the patience continuum.”

Fair enough. And I bet those moments were I fall low on the continuum of patience just happen to be in response to something a hipster did. #JustSaying

For example, the hipster who invites me to dinner and then suggests we eat at a restaurant that I would never step foot in, like The Keg, sorry not a restaurant. Ok, if we consider the denotation of the word “restaurant”, I guess The Keg is a restaurant…

Restaurant: “An establishment where meals are served to customers”.

Despite the specific meaning of the word restaurant, I would still argue that The Keg is not a restaurant because I’m defining the word “meal” to mean some sort of nutrient giving food stuff as opposed to slabs of meat sawed off hormone filled cattle that for some strange reason aren’t considered appetizing enough that toxic chemicals are added to it just so the consumer gets high enough to actually think they are eating something good. I’m sorry I just prefer to get my toxic chemicals the old fashion way, through smoking.

Enthusiastic hipster eating at The Keg
Ok, chill the fuck out! I did not start smoking!! The thing is I actually don’t really feel like ingesting any toxic chemicals right now, this isn’t a new trend in my life, it has been going on for over 3 years and I don’t think it is showing any signs of stopping…which apparently doesn’t make me very popular to hang out with. Anyways, what was I talking about here…

Patience! Here is a definition from Wikipedia :

Patience (or forbearing) is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way;

Well according to Wikipedia I think we can consider me patient! You see I have great ability to endure (I’m still alive aren’t I?!) under difficult circumstances (i.e., being invited to The Keg by a hipster who doesn’t know what real food is).

Still not convinced?

How about the part where patience is defined as “not acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way” I’m pretty sure we can agree that me getting on my soapbox in the kitchen at work to inform everyone about the importance of a healthy diet cannot possibly be considered “negative”. And the definition doesn’t say I can’t counter annoyance/difficult circumstance with a well formed 20 minute educational monologue on food, now does it?!

Unless of course you consider “educational monologues” to be annoying …which if you do, I’m pretty sure means you are a hipster. I mean who doesn’t find education fun, especially when I’m talking?! Seriously, if you don’t respond to my 20 minute soliloquy on food with your rapt attention and adoration, that kind of makes you acting in a negative way.

Let me break it down for you. If you respond to my greatness (sometimes defined as an annoyance) in a negative way (i.e., you do not enthusiastically hang off every one of my words) that makes you inpatient! (or a hipster or both)

So I guess what this really show us is that hipsters are inpatient and I’m super patient because I endure hipsters.  

Glad we got that sorted out. Now I need to go eat some food (i.e., not anything sold at The Keg). I’m hungry.

Disclaimer: Please note, I do not have anything specifically against The Keg. I just take issue with chain restaurants that are known for their low quality food in general, which The Keg just happens to fall under. Why I felt the need to use The Keg as an example in this post? Well to be honest, I think I saw an ad for beer. And naturally that made me think of kegs…anyways, yeah, nothing personal to The Keg or all you people who “eat” there, I was just thinking about beer due to a very effective marketing strategy by Budweiser. So this is just a coincidence and not some hidden agenda of mine where I try to espouse my evil vegan ways on you. I swear! I eat meat, I like meat, I would just prefer to eat meat that is not contaminated. K? Cool. Group hug. 

Group hug courtesy of Budweiser.

Now who wants a nail gun with that burger?!

Thank you for your patience while reading this blog post.