So I’ve been messaging several people on OKCupid and have even gone out on two “dates” that didn’t turn out horrible (i.e., I was not found raped, mutilated and murdered in a shallow grave after the date was finished). Some would even classify these dates as going “OK”; however, despite all this seemingly positive events in Andrea history, I’ve kind of lost my motivation for the whole dating thing.
Not entirely sure why, some would postulate that maybe it is due to my interest centered on dating this man I met a year ago (not online). Yes, that man, who in the one year he has known me, can barely scrape together 20 minutes of time to have coffee with anyone socially let alone actually have the time to even wrap his mind around the spectacular possibilities of dating me…
I on the other hand, believe my lack of motivation for dating may have come from the fact that nothing really happened on these dates that warranted a second date. After all, despite all my “alleged” pining for the “too busy for Andrea-WTF? Who is this guy?!” man I’m still moving forward with my life. I go on dates with people, I just think these people could try harder or just be better. And then maybe I would feel more motivated to date them.
Looks like my theory is pretty sound but just to make sure I wasn’t just holding my default 100% completely self-absorbed Andrea position on all of this, I asked my good friend Anna for some sage dating advice. Anna is one of the few people I know who is in a relationship with a man that when I think about their relationship I think “that doesn’t seem so bad”. Huge endorsement, I know!
Anyways, so Anna listened to my dating drama (read: non-drama) for a whole weekend (mostly because she was stuck on a work trip with me and had no other choice but to listen to me). And the following is her advice in the form of everyone’s favourite Top 5 lists!
Anna’s Top 5 Rules to Survive a First Date with Andrea & Possibly Score Yourself a Second
1. Do not try to make out with Andrea 5 minutes after meeting her OR expect any type of interaction with Andrea that involves exchanging saliva with her on your first date. Note: Andrea carries hand sanitizer with her for a reason people!
2. Do let Andrea occupy a minimum of 75% of the talk time of the total time you share together. This is critical. Consider the following if you propose a movie for your first date: allocate 45 minuets of Andrea talk time for every 1 hour of movie time watched (i.e., time where Andrea doesn’t talk). So if you watch a 2 hour movie you will need at least an 1hr and 30 minutes of Andrea talk time. So unless you do not want to talk at all during your date do not go to a movie! Andrea likes to talk. She likes to talk A LOT!
3. Do playfully indulge Andrea’s need to spend an inordinate amount of time staring at herself in any/all reflective surfaces she comes across. Note: if you go out for dinner with Andrea DO NOT under any circumstances let Andrea be seated by a mirror. If this happens DATE OFF! You might as well get up and leave, as Andrea won’t even notice because she will be too busy staring at herself OR taking selfies OR tweeting OR scrolling through pictures on her phone of herself, etc., See Figure A – Selfie 6 of 58: Andrea out for dinner. Apparently no. 6 was the best selfie, as Andrea even posted it to Instagram and tweeted it to her followers while we were out for dinner. So yes, this rule extends to you being good humoured about Andrea’s need to tweet to her followers at regular intervals during your time together.
|Figure A - Selfie 6 of 58: Andrea out for dinner|
4. Do not subject Andrea to any diatribe you may have involving your racist/sexist/homophobic/**ist/icsbeliefs. Actually if you have any of these someone needs to contact OKCupid and get them to fix their matching algorithms.
5. Do dress well. No one is asking you to iron your underpants (yet) but please put on a clean shirt and jeans. In terms of footwear, no sandals, unless you are at the beach for your first date which you are not because you are with Andrea and you are at a coffee shop on one of her famous coffee date “non-dates”. And yes, do expect her to blog about this at some point, she has to come up with weekly material for her blog after all.
Good luck with the first date! You will need it.