Sunday, September 27, 2015

#8 supplements = romcoms, drugs, sex, food and hot Italian men

#8 this week of the most boring list of 20 things to try for 2015 and in a very lame attempt at making it more fun I've decided to take a very lose interpretation of the word "supplements" and inappropriately refer to it as DRUGS! And a bunch of other words that are not nearly as offensive.

I mean who doesn't love drugs, right?! Even if the only reason you love drugs is because it gives you the opportunity to anally probe any cute guy coming back from Mexico (yes in this scenario you are a unethical boarder security guard and don't we all feel safer knowing that! Thank god I'm white otherwise they would have me shipped off to Syria already just in time for a nuclear air strike).

And on that tangent, I think it is time we all became aware that it is a full moon, and I have started my period today (yes that is a good thing and the world agrees, work colleagues especially, as they sigh a big sigh of relief of not having to deal with my OTT self for another month). And although I'm feeling a tad feisty and this blog is probably not going to make much sense to anyone, unless they are ADHD and/or are my good friend Paulo (who has taken off again and we have no idea where he is...again), I do promise it should be somewhat entertaining and absolutely completely inappropriate.

So #8 (can you believe I agreed to write 20 of these things?!) is: "take you supplements daily, or as directed by a health care professional."

I just want to be super clear here that I am not a health care professional but I do believe fully in taking drugs daily (aka taking your supplements daily). Why do I insist on using the two words interchangeably? And no, it's not because I'm duping you into reading a blog by naming it something sensational yet completely unrelated to the actual topic of the blog post (see: 74 sex acts involving chocolate), although I'm not opposed to that idea.

Well (dietary) supplements are defined as "a product intended for ingestion that contains a "dietary ingredient" intended to add further nutritional value to (supplement) the diet." (thank you FDA).

So, sometimes we need to add things (supplements) to life to enhance our life. Sometimes that thing we add (supplement) are drugs. That is all I'm saying. And you do what you need to do to make your life better, no judgement from me. As sometimes those things you add to enhance life are a new exercise routine (can we say running!!), or maybe it is hanging out with a new group of friends (yay book clubs!!) or maybe it is a new MAC palate to celebrate the beginning of Fall. The options are endless really.
Welcome to Fall bitches!!

Ok, I know what you are thinking, "Alright Andrea, I'm totally on board with taking drugs daily but why would I want to take dietary supplements isn't eating enough to get my daily required nutrients?!"

Maybe, if you are hoping only to not have scurvy but I'm talking about aiming for something a bit higher than getting enough nutrients to prevent your limbs falling off. So in short, the answer to your question is: No. I don't care how healthy you are (even me), you need supplements. It is nearly impossible for us to get all our daily nutrients from the food we eat. I know you are shocked, you McDonald's binge eating junkie but hear me out.

Unless you are eating the true Mediterranean diet, and no I don't mean you are drinking copious amounts of red wine and consuming fatty desserts through an IV you ill-informed hedonist. I mean, you live in a country along the Mediterranean basin (Italy!!) and it is the 1950s and you are eating a diet of local and seasonal fresh non-processed food and actually meet your daily exercise needs probably because your job involves more than you sitting on your ass all day (it likely involves you finding your food). So unless you found yourself a time machine and that is your awesome life OR my blog being posted somehow ripped through the time space continuum and I'm speaking to your 1950s sexy Italian self (which would be weird and probably a great premise for a romantic comedy starring a millennial version of Meg Ryan) you are not getting enough nutrients in your diet. Accept it. Have a multi-vitamin and help me cast my new romantic comedy!

Here are my picks for the time traveling foodie romantic comedy, Mediterranean Diet:

Our starring lady will be Clement Chabernaud, some model for Balmain, that no one has heard off (except all those people in the fashion industry, like Kanye West) but that no one will be able to forget once they see her act! I just feel she totally embodies that millennial Meg Ryan romantic comedy time traveling vibe we're going for here, don't you? (rhetorical question, don't answer).

Character name: Ida Magnolia

For the leading man, I went for a bit of a more well known dude, Ben Whishaw, to play the hot Italian stuck in the boring 1950s (I mean there is no Netflix!). And yes I realize he is British and known for playing the hipster version of Q in the latest James Bond films, but whatever, this is a movie about time traveling and finding your soulmate across the time space continuum! It isn't exactly reality based, so fuck off and get over it!

Character name: Bergamot Elm

Brief Synopsis for Mediterranean Diet (tag line: the only supplement you need is love):

Ida Magnolia (Clement Chabernaud) is a super stylish, witty, uber intelligent, foodie blogger who writes for some super posh dining out magazine in some nondescript bustling metropolis that never sleeps (read: NYC). Her life is full of fabulous friends, fashion and celebrity cameo appearances, it's perfect really except she can't find her soul mate. All Ida wants is a guy who enjoys eating and the quality of food he eats (oh and he has to workout and be a feminist), basically she just wants to be with someone healthy and who believes in universal human rights. Unfortunately life is too busy and exciting to actually eat good food let alone share time with someone who believes in human rights, so Ida spends many nights alone ordering take out from her favourite upscale vegan restaurant and marathoning awesome shows on Netflix with strong female leads like Scandal. 

Scandal's Olivia Pope has a hard time being with her soulmate too!
Then one night, while Ida is posting her latest blog before deadline, a cosmic event happens creating a power surge that causes the city to blackout. When the lights come back on Ida finds herself in 1950s Italy with really good food and really hot men. Introduce leading man Bergamot Elm (Ben Whishaw), a very attractive, human rights acknowledging barista, one of the first people Ida meets in this new old world she finds herself in. And yes, everyone speaks English in 1950s Italy!

Anyways, I haven't worked out all the details like for example, how the "cosmic" event causes a tear in the space time continuum but I'm pretty sure we can gloss over that small detail with lots of cool fashion and trendy music (I'm thinking some form of alternative folk indie country soundtrack!?).

The point is when Bergamot and Ida first meet they hate each other! I mean Ida is so specific about how she likes her espresso, she comes off a bit demanding and bitchy (shocking i know), after all she is telling Bergamot, the descendant of several generations of baristas how to make espresso properly. I mean Ida did have that brief stint at a Starbucks when she was in Uni getting her fine arts degree but she is really out of her depth on this one!

The point is, even though Ida comes off super pretentious and kind of a know it all, and really opinionated about a bunch a stuff she knows nothing about, she does love to eat food and drink espresso and talk at length about these two things that her passion is kind of infectious and she kind of comes off cute and adorable despite her mild tendency to be bitch. And through these lovely food and drink conversations, craziness will ensue (naturally) and then Ida and Bergamot fall in love and live happily ever after.

And I figure if we put lots of hot sex and food eating scenes maybe we can skirt past the whole major flaw in this plot line: how is Ida in 1950s Italy?! 

Anyways, although that movie idea pretty much makes zero sense, there will be some really cool outfits, a killer soundtrack, creative food ideas and inventive sex positions that it will all be worth it in the end and your life will feel a little bit more fuller after watching it.

Romantic comedies, like drugs, and dietary supplements are all we need sometimes to add some much needed fun to the days that may be a bit gloomy otherwise.

Make daily selfies your supplement!

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