Saturday, December 19, 2015

Why so serious? A meditation on cannibalism.

I’m ¾ of the way through season 3 of my marathon of Hannibal and I’m feeling kind of peckish. Actually to be more specific, I’m craving meat, the type of meat so rare that when you bite into it you can taste the blood flow between your molars. I pause briefly to contemplate my recent culinary craving.

And the OTT conversation with myself goes something like this:

OMG! All my joking about cannibalism isn’t a joke after all, I really do want to eat people!! This is all because when I was 13 I wasn’t allowed to watch Silence of the Lambs, so I read the book instead and Hannibal Lector was so fucking cool to my naïve child brain, so naturally I became infatuated with him and now I want to be him!

I feel like I probably hyperventilate for a bit at this point, then calmed myself down enough to rationalize:

Ok, obviously you are calorie deprived because that last thought made little sense, I mean you are like 95% vegan and the only time you ate red meat in the last 10 years was when you were training for a marathon and that was because you were iron deficient. Right now you are bleeding (read: haemorrhaging), you are low iron and so obviously you are going to crave red meat. You are not craving meat because you are want to be Hannibal Lector and eat people!

So I go into the kitchen, listen to some Ellie Goulding (read: sing some Ellie Goulding off key) and make some food. I sit down to eat my creation on my living room couch and I stare off to the left, where there is a window, leading to the outside world, with real people in it.

And I wonder, did I leave the house today? Maybe I need to go for a walk or something and interact with real live humans. Perhaps if I do this more often it will prevent me from thinking such strange thoughts like I’m a closet cannibal.

I laugh, because how could me interacting with humans actually benefit me in any serious way. No, what I really need to do is just set up a reminder on my iPhone so I will remember to eat because apparently I can’t do that on my own and I read somewhere that ingesting food at regular intervals helps with cognition.

As I set up the reminders on my iPhone, I think to the last session I had with my meditation coach where she told me she wanted me to lighten up.

At first, when she made this suggestion to me, I was offended…naturally. I mean, I’m so easy going, how could I possibly get any more laid back over here?! But I know better, if I’m getting all offended by the mere suggestion of lightening up, chances are, I do need to lighten up. Yes, apparently I take myself way too seriously, which is not really surprising given the nature of this blog post…

But alas, I write to tell you these stories where my uptight, anal retentive qualities get the better of me to make us laugh. After all, would a serious person be able to laugh at themselves?!

It is also possible I totally misunderstood what my meditation coach was trying to tell me…the good news is, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to eat people…unless it was a zombie apocalypse and there was no other food source…#justsaying 

hiding out at home #selfie

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