However, the universe had other plans for me. Yes, apparently the universe would like me to be more social in 2016. My invitation to be social came through a friend's text at approximately 6pm NYE asking me if I would like to go to a house party (vegan pajama party) followed by the Watch Night Service at 11pm at Christ Church Cathedral.
You know you can probably predict that you will be living a simple single life for 2016 when you're more excited about attending a church service than hanging out at a house party for NYE.
Despite my desire to be a hermit, I decide to join my friend if for nothing else other than to be a good friend (I suppose I can clean my bathroom the following day). Naturally, I dress for the pajama party in skinny jeans and a Victoria's Secret camisole top underneath a striped cardigan, curled my hair and did my make up. My logic being that this is what one wears to bed when they spend the night out drinking to black out.
At the party no one gets the outfit (apparently vegans don't drink to black out) and I'm a tad reluctant to take my jacket off because it suggests to the casual observer that I plan on staying and hanging out for awhile. And while I'm trying to be a good friend, feeling horribly introverted and really wishing I stayed home to clean my bathroom, I meet a guy at this party. This guy for some reason, keeps talking to me and I think, his energy doesn't suck, I'll hang out with him for awhile and see where this goes.
Well despite our conversation he seemed to really like me. And I will be honest here, I was not trying to be normal if anything I was trying this thing where I embrace my weird awkward self. Yes, it is true, I brought up cannibalism (when don't I do that?!), talked about how I could do yoga in front of a wall of guns and find it calming (long story, too long for blog post) and how I had to leave the party early because I had a date with God.
Naturally, my God comment stopped the conversation. Apparently God isn't known to date mortals?! I explain that this is why I'm dressed up, because I'm going to Church later to hang out with God and God likes it when I dress up for him...well if that last comment doesn't turn someone off, I'm not sure what does (cannibalism?!). Obviously this guy is different because we exchange numbers and decide to hang out again.
Now we are into 2016 and I've gone out with guy twice more. I like him, he is cool, smart, funny, laid back, nice to look at...nothing wrong with him yet, other than he seems to really like me.
And this is when i come to know, quite intimately, my relationship issues. Issues have two main components, the intellectual side and the emotional. Intellectually, I know I'm awesome, I'm worthy of love and I'm a good person. Emotionally, I still occasionally get blocked.
It's true, sometimes a guy I like tells me he thinks I'm a good person and I will just break down in tears because I just don't feel good. Other times, I'm complimented and I take it in stride. What does it mean? It means I'm living life. It is never just up and there will always be downs and in relationships there is no exception.
We all have issues, some of us are more self aware than others, some of us write blogs about our issues and some of us haven't yet realized our issues. And it is ok. Because we all have our own path and our own journey. There is no point critisizing others or pointing out where they could improve because we have our own improvement to do and people see their issues and deal with them when they are ready not when we harass them enough.
All we need to do, is do our work on ourselves, be the best human we can be in that moment, and show up to the party. The rest takes care of itself. Or as I like to say, let the gods decide what happens from there. I don't need to worry about outcomes, I don't need to worry about me and my cute, adorable, awkward self, I just need to be me and keep working on my issues.
And you know what, I'm not as worried as a previous Andrea would be. I'm just enjoying getting to know this new person in my life and I've let go of my expectations regarding outcomes. My only expectation is to my self, to be mindful of my relationships with others and my internal processes and to keep doing the work. The rest takes care of itself.
Relationship predictions for 2016...yes, there will be some of those!
|And yes, you are rewarded with this selfie!|